12.31.2003

god and heaven are all my own

so xmas was good. i posted a reply in sandras livejournal about what i did for xmas, and it was the kind of thing i'd put in here, so i'm going to put the main stuff in here 'cos i'm a lazy fuck.

"...well i went to canada to see my relatives up there. but i was really looking forward to going 'cos my aunt has lung cancer, so this may just be the last time i'll have xmas w/ her or see her ever again- and i just wanted to see her bad 'cos she's my fav aunt. i didn't get anything special gift-wise. i could give a fuck less about them 'cos i just wanted to see my aunt and talk with her. but what i did get was a Point Zero Dimension sweatshirt which looks prety sweet on me (given to me by my cousin Ingrids in-laws ), a company shirt from jaimes brother tims work, a chocolate C made from super good dutch chocolate- a book "life of pi"- and a ralph lauren Chaps down weathervest from my aunt and uncle. i drew them some pictures.

on my way up there a fuse for my power windows/locks blew with my window up, so at the border i had to open my door and step out whenever i had to talk to someone at he border or whatever. my cousin-in-law jaime looked at it and he put another fuse that was the same ampage but not used ofr anything major in place of the blown one so i could use my window till i got back to america. then on the way there it fucking blows again way before i get to the border. and at the border it took me a good 3 hours to go a few city blocks, it was fucking ridiculous. at least his time it was kinda open- like at the level for being able for ashing cigs out the window. i got another fuse here and in less than 10 minutes it blew, this time with it down all the way. that wasn't bad at all really 'cos it was a super nice day and i was in a good mood regardless. a little later on that day i take it to the garage the car dealer guy told me to go to. he tells me that it's the motor for the power windows. it's drawing to much power and will keep blowing fuses. it burned a wire he used as a mock-fuse in about one second. so tomorrow (actually later on today) a new motor is comming in from Buffalo.
fucking cars, they never do what they're supposed to do, EVER. i want a horse.

so yeah, that was my xmas adventure. being there and taking walks with my uncle in the conservastion forest by his house while talking about the shit that matters in life, and seeing my aunt were what made that trip awesome and one that has changed my mind on a lot of things..."

that's about the gist of it folks.

i'll be starting this kinleys job very soon. cooking is going to be the shit.

corey copland gave me a haircut. it looks badass. goto google.com and look up Dionysus in the Images search. it's like that sorta. nothing can match up to that doo. big up to core on the haircut, razors are definetly where it's at.

so things are finally starting to get going in my life. for once in a direction that i like.

12.27.2003

Oh, Me

If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul
The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
But that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth

I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity
And store it deep inside of me

12.26.2003

all our monkeys have monkeys

so a few days ago (23rd) i updated my site again but sean trashimusses comp started to fuck up on me so i didn't get a chance to put in here that i updated it. so yeah, it's updated, goto it, and drool.

i'm up in canada now. at my cousin lynn's in Dundas ontario to be exact. it's nice to be up here for the holidays. my aunt has lung cancer and i'm not going to say anything more about it 'cos it gets to me. all i'm going to say about it is FUCK GOD!!!

for new years i think i'm going to try this whole reverse self-destruction thing i was all about in europe.

god-when i die and stand in front of you waiting to go to hell, i'm going to blow a load all over your fucking face, and make you swallow it. see ya at 11-11-11. you don't know how much you fucked up.

12.21.2003

it all breaks down, a role reversal

well i got my website more into the direction i wanna take things. i'm looking for a huge heartagram pic though. the "real" website won't even get started on for another few months. i have to get a computer to work on it all the time, and be at a place where there's a cable modem. but that'll definetly be a cool site. something i can personalize to the fullest. tripod is so-so. i'm pist they don't have the hit counter option anymore.

anyways, goto my site and look at it por favor. my mom said it's precious.

12.14.2003

like a dog without a home

anyone want to move south? i can't stand this cold shit anymore. there's like 2 fucking feet outside.

all i want for xmas is to go see my relatives up in canada, that's it, nothing else.

all i want is to wake up in another place with no memory. i wanna forget this life.

12.12.2003

o 8 9 8 double-o 7

i don't know what i enjoy about having alone time. it's not like i do anything with the time. sometimes i read through my "8,789 Words of Wisdom" and highlight things. i still haven't finished "The Four Agreements" book i started quite a few weeks ago. i read it for a little while and then just stopped. it was good, kinda weird. i might as well start it over. i don't write or do art things all that often. i just smoke too many cigarettes. my right index finger has a nasty tobaccoo smoke stain on it. chicks dig it though so it's allright.

if anyone was planning on getting me anything for xmas, i'd appreciate gas money for when i go up to canada to visit with my aunt an uncle. nothing says "i love you" like money.

fuck this snowy weather. at least my car handles decently well in it (from whatever time i was driving in the snow), but i still hate driving in it. even in an SUV i hate driving in it. i hope the major global warming epidemic gets here soon. winter makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. old people know what's up, that's why they move to florida. old people are bird-brained, ha ha ha, that's a good pun. not too cheesy.

vacuums suck.

12.11.2003

Forty-Six & 2 - Tool

Join in my
Join in my child
And listen
Digging through
My old numb shadow

My shadow's
Shedding skin
And I've been picking
Scabs again

I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
For a clue

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in

I wanna feel the changes coming down
I wanna know what I've been hiding
In my shadow
Change is coming through my shadow

My shadow's
Shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again

Join in my
Join in my child
My shadow moves
Closer to me

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
Insecure delusions

I wanna feel the change consume me
Feel the outside turning in
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured in
My shadow

Change is coming
Now is my time
Listen to my muscle memory
Contemplate what I've been clinging to
Forty-six and two ahead of me

I
Choose to live and to
Grow
Take and give and to
Move
Learn and Love and to
Cry
Kill and die and to
Be
Paranoid and to
Lie
Hate and fear and to
Do
What it takes to move through
I choose to live and to
Lie
Kill and give and to
Die
Learn and love and to
Do
What it takes to step through

See my shadow changing
Stretching up and over me
Soften this old armor

Hoping I can clear the way by
Stepping through my shadow
Coming out the other side

Step into the shadow
Forty six and two
are just ahead of me

i like a big car 'cos i'm a big star

so i finally got that damn car, without a cosigner, thank you very little.

it's pretty nice, definetly the nicest car i've ever had, even nicer than the range rover. actually, that rover was the shit. this lincoln is much more chiller and smoother. it takes like 25$ to fill up. i have a car, and it's pimp.

will i be cool now?

12.06.2003

hellzapoppin- open your third nostril, put on your black face and your god is gone

c1134k: what's a 3 letter word for fixing something up?
CsCmt311: nug
CsCmt311: fixes me


what the fuck does a guy gotta do around here to get a fucking car? seriously, fuck this shit, i've had it.

i'm moving to france, drinking mass amounts of absinthe, doodling around on some paper, cutting my ear off and calling myself an artist. cristoph von kline.

life's just an act and your grammy is a coffin.

12.01.2003

fuck this computer

i just had a huge post ready for you to read and this computer fucked up. fuck. i'm never messing with this journal on this computer again. it may be a while before i post again.